every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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