my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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