I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize