so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
