I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
