OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
