just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
