can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
