were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
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he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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