The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
