weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
