i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
