I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
