I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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