my phone needs a breathalizer
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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