Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
