She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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