if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
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Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
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We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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