I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
