i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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