i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
