In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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