I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
