My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
