I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
