I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
