As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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