well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
