At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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