would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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