found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
