Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
