i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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