Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
