Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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