I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
