You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
