so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just high enough for therapy.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
