Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
