does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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