i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize