im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
