I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
