u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
