She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
