I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
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Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
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The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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