3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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