??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
