New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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