i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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