so explain again why im purple
no
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I intend to get homeless drunk
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
