just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
