i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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