i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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