Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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