I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
