why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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