I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
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