I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
