so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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