omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
