i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
