yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
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