this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
