im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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