I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I think I just sharted jello shots
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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